Ever been on a date where you instantly knew this wasn’t the audition for your co-star in the rom-com of your life? Oh, honey, I’ve been there. Like, more times than I’ve lost my keys (and I once found them in the fridge). There was this one time, with a guy who had less flavor than unsalted butter. But here’s the twist—I still had a blast. So, pull up a chair, and let me spill the tea on mastering “First Date Survival,” even when Cupid’s clearly missed his shot.
Sitting across from Mr. Not-Quite-Right, I decided to make the night about everything but finding Mr. Right. I mean, why waste a perfectly good mascara day, right? We dived into topics that would make a nun blush and debated the best zombie apocalypse survival strategies. Spoiler: he was Team Fortress; I was Team Flee. By dessert, it was clear this was a one-act play, but who says you can’t enjoy the performance?
- Embrace the Awkward Silence
There’s nothing quite like the symphony of two people not knowing what to say. It’s like, suddenly, you’re both contestants on “Who Can Be More Awkward?” A friend of mine decided to play actual cricket sounds on her phone during one such silence. The date didn’t improve, but her story did. - Turn the Table (Literally)
Had a date in a café where the table was wobblier than my life choices. Instead of letting it annoy us, we made a game out of keeping our drinks balanced. It was like Jenga, but with higher stakes—nobody wants to wear their latte. We laughed, we cried, we spilled. It was epic. - The Fake Emergency Call
Ah, the classic. But here’s the twist: my phone actually rang with a spam call during a date so boring I considered chewing my arm off to escape. I answered and proceeded to have a fake breakdown about my fridge running away. My date was confused, I was amused, and my fridge is still at home. - The “Worst Date” Competition
Met up with a guy who turned out to be a professional mime. Instead of running, we ended up sharing our worst date stories. His involved a parrot and a fire alarm; mine, a guy who thought “The Earth is flat” was a great conversation starter. Mime guy and I didn’t last, but we declared it a tie. - Order the Weirdest Thing on the Menu
When life gives you a dull date, order the escargot—or anything else you can’t pronounce. A friend and I dared each other to order the strangest things we could find. She ended up with something that looked like it was from another planet. We didn’t find love, but we discovered her talent for making snail puns. “Escargone but not forgotten,” she said. The snails were unforgettable; the dates, not so much.
Having a bad date?Order the Weirdest Thing on the Menu - The Undercover Critic
Pretend you’re both food critics for a blog called “Dining with Disasters.” Rate everything from the napkins’ fold to the ice cubes’ clarity. A buddy turned this into a game on a date that was as bland as the restaurant’s mashed potatoes. They didn’t find love, but they did leave a very detailed, albeit fictional, Yelp review. - Impromptu Themed Storytelling
Kick off a storytelling game where each story must fit a bizarre theme, like “Embarrassing Moments with Pets” or “Times I Should Have Been Arrested.” It’s like “Two Truths and a Lie,” but you might wish some were lies. Had a date share a tale about his cat and a malfunctioning Roomba. The romance didn’t suck, but the story sure did. - Public Transport Roulette
Jump on a bus or train without looking at where it’s going. The goal? Find something interesting or absurdly funny at your destination. A friend found herself in a suburban strip mall with a date, discovering the world’s saddest petting zoo. Nothing says romance like a depressed llama and shared confusion. - Create a Backstory for Other Diners
People watch and invent elaborate life stories for other patrons. A date once narrated an entire spy thriller involving a waitress and a man with a suspiciously large hat. We might not have sparked, but “The Curious Case of the Hat Man” could be a hit novel. - The Accent Challenge
Speak in the worst accents you can muster. The cringier, the better. I once spent an entire coffee date talking like a bad British sitcom character. We laughed until we cried, or maybe we were just crying from the embarrassment. Either way, tears were involved. - Dress Code: Ridiculous
Agree to wear something absurd. I’m talking Christmas sweaters in July, superhero capes, or mismatched shoes. A friend showed up in a dinosaur onesie. Her date wasn’t a match, but she did get a free coffee from a barista who appreciated her commitment to the Jurassic period. - The Haiku Review
Sum up your date in a haiku. It’s a creative and hilarious way to debrief with your friends afterward. Had a date so forgettable, my haiku was: “Bland man talks at me / Soup was the highlight tonight / Check, please, and farewell.” It’s a cultural experience, really.
Conclusion
So, what’s the takeaway from my anthology of “almosts” and “not quite rights”? It’s that “First Date Survival” isn’t about enduring a disappointing encounter; it’s about flipping the script and finding your fun. Each misfit date is an opportunity to explore new ideas, belly laugh at the absurdity of it all, and maybe, just maybe, learn a little more about what makes you tick.
Reflecting on my gallery of dating misadventures, I realize they were less about the search for Mr. Right and more about enjoying the moment, irrespective of the outcome. Like that time Mr. Unsalted Butter and I ended up having a thumb war in the middle of a fancy restaurant. No, we didn’t ride off into the sunset together, but I did walk away with a great story and a reminder that joy doesn’t always come packaged in the perfect match.
So, here’s to the dates that won’t make it into our love story but deserve a chapter in the book of our fabulous lives. After all, a date is just a night out with a stranger who might just teach you something new, make you laugh, or at the very least, give you a good story to tell. And who knows? In the grand scheme of things, maybe that’s just what we need.
